Celebrities Fashion The 90s

Claudia Schiffer

Claudia Schiffer is a German model and creative director of her own self-named fashion brand. She is very important because she does not eat. Just look at her, you worm! Look at her and tremble at a world so filled with inequality and merciless, quiet wroth!

Claudia Schiffer is a goddess, descended from above on a radiant pegasus long since sacrificed out of gratitude. Many animal rights organizations have spoken out on the cruel treatment of the winged creature, particularly on the ground that it is the only evidence of the species in modern history. Every objector was tied up and forced to watch Claudia twirl for over 45 seconds, slowly and painfully turning transforming their skin to stone.

Yes, all are grateful for Claudia and the prosperity she has brought to our realm. Yet some philosophers question what we have done to deserve such a gift. German film director Werner Herzog once famously theorized “if it is mankind’s objective to supercede nature through force and mechanical progression, then Claudia Schiffer’s descent into our midst may be as much a warning from the spirits we do not know, as she is a treasure to be held as our light in the darkness.”

Only Claudia Schiffer will know her true purpose. And it is Claudia Schiffer’s place alone to decipher what that could be.

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